Attachment Parenting Lost
How long does it take for a traumatized child to recover? Who can and should be held accountable for inflicting undo stress and emotional abuse on innocent children? These are questions that must be answered. How many children must suffer before our government takes action?
My son is 13-months-old. He turned 13-months-old while in foster care. My home has always been a very "attached" home. I believe in extended breastfeeding, positive reinforcement, baby wearing, and co-sleeping, to name a few of the child care practices in my home. I have two other sons, ages 7 and 6 years old. I have no history of abuse/neglect allegations, nor do I have any history of any interaction at all with CPS before this incident.
My son came home from an overnight visit with his father (only the 2nd overnight visit to take place) on Monday, August 11, 2008 with a small bump on his head. As he's just learning to walk, the occasional bump is to be expected. I did not immediately seek medical attention, as there was nothing to lead me to believe that this was an abnormal injury.
On Wednesday, August 13, 2008, the small bump on his head became swollen, and felt soft when I touched it. I called our pediatrician, described the bump to him, and told him how the baby's behavior had not changed at all. Our pediatrician told me to go ahead and wait until our previously scheduled appointment the next morning. I was not entirely comfortable with that answer, so I called the triage nurse at the local emergency room and went through the same conversation with her. She gave me the same answer, to wait till the appointment with the pediatrician the next day. I still wasn't comfortable with that answer, as my son's head is not supposed to be soft, so I took him to the hospital, when it became obvious to me that this was not a normal bump on the head.
A trip to the ER
After having him examined at the emergency room, I was told that he has a 'hairline skull fracture'. He was admitted to the pediatric ward of the hospital, where I stayed with him the entire time he was there.
The police were called, and I was questioned, interviewed, and accused of hurting my son by the detective that was handling the case. CPS was called. I was interviewed, questioned, and (I felt) accused by the social worker that was handling the case. The decision was made to remove my youngest son (but not the older two) from my care.
My youngest son, Charlie, was placed in the care of my father and stepmother over the weekend, but they were unable to continue providing care for him, due to the number of hours per week that they both work. In court, a decision was made to hold "the child" (not once has anyone official used my son's name when referring to him) over in foster care for 30-days while an investigation was completed. My son is a breastfed baby, although he does eat solid foods also.
Family denied contact
I presented to the workers the name, phone number, and contact information for everyone involved. I provided the contact information to the person that witnessed that my son came home with the bump on his head. This same person was present with me in the emergency room, and has been present with me every day, while I am afraid for my child. I have not been permitted to visit him, to see pictures of him, to speak to him on the telephone, or even to know where he was placed. I am afraid for my baby, and nobody is giving me any information to reassure me that he is OK.
Broken laws
In Maryland, when a decision is made to place a child in foster care, the parents have the right to suggest individuals with whom the child is already familiar with, as possible foster care placements. When a parent suggests a possible placement, CPS is required by law to investigate that placement within 3-days.
When my son was placed into foster care on August 18, 2008, I suggested a neighbor as a possible placement, who happens to be a licensed foster care worker, so that I would be able to continue to visit with my child, who is very attached to me and to his brothers, and so that my child would continue to be able to breastfeed. The judge agreed with this person becoming a possible placement, and recommended that CPS investigate them "As soon as possible."
No investigation
An investigation has not even begun into the neighbor that I suggested, and my son has been in foster care for 11-days. By law, in the state of Maryland, a home visit is required when CPS is investigating someone, and I was told that there would be no home visit 'unless the child is being returned'. Again, by law in the state of Maryland, CPS is required to provide a minimum of one visit per week to parents and siblings. I have not been able to visit with my Charlie, his brothers have not been able to visit with him, nor have his father, or his father's child been able to visit with him.
I am writing this today in hopes that I can possibly use the media attention to prompt the Department of Social Services to follow the laws, begin and complete the investigation that they are to complete, and allow me the visits with my child that they are required to allow.
My older children are devastated by having their baby brother taken from them. My 7-year-old child cannot stop crying, whenever he sees or hears a baby, or anyone mentions his brother. My 6 year old is so stressed out over what's been going on, not knowing when he's going to see his brother or if his brother is going to come home, that he cannot stop vomiting.
He's also very angry, so angry that he cannot even bear to talk about his baby brother. My 13-month-old son has never been away from me for even 24-hours, and now he has been away from me for 11-days, with literally no contact. I am afraid that he feels abandoned by his family, I am afraid that this will leave lasting emotional scars, not only on my youngest child, but on my older children as well.
What has been done to my family by this department is unacceptable, and I want someone to please help me force CPS in Baltimore City to follow the letter of the law, allow my child to visit with his family and begin the reunification process that the department is constantly boasting about.
Thank you,
Elizabeth O'Brien
Contact the Baltimore office of DSS at (443) 423-6300. Ask why an investigation hasn't been completed, under Maryland law and why this child hasn't been returned home. Please be polite and respectful.
Additional Contact Information:
Interim Director, Brian Wilbon (443) 378-4600
Legal Services (443) 378-4100
Baltimore City Department of Social Services
P.O. Box 17466
Baltimore, Maryland 21203-7466
Labels: attachment parenting, Baltimore, emergency room, false allegations, foster care, Kidjacked, Maryland
posted by Annette M. Hall @ 8/29/2008 11:45:00 AM
32 Comments:
Enroll into family counseling with your other children under your private health insurance policy or through hospital charity care.
Keep us updated because so much more can be done!
I will do same and advocate for you. Thank you for posting the contact info. Could you please post email addresses as well? These should be listed on the agency's website.
Thanks.
This is Lyz, the mother of the children being talked about in this post. I just wanted to thank you all for posting this, and reading it, and thank also whoever it was that made calls yesterday. Shortly after this was posted, the original CPS worker on the case came out and completed the investigation on my neighbor, and deemed her (as I knew she would) a 'fit home' for the child to be placed in temporarily. I also received a call from the 're-unification worker' today (on Saturday!) requesting that I call her back. I was unaware what a wonderful tool this website would be for me and for my children. Thank you all for your help. The battle is not over yet, but I strongly believe that this is beginning to make a difference.
I am from Louisiana and I thought that CPS here was the only corrupt one. I can see that we may not be the only state in which CPS (here known as OCS) is given too much power by State and Local Government. Kind of reminds me of the SS in Nazi Germany! My girlfriend is in the same pickle as you Lyz, although her situation was not that the child was injured in any way. She simply sent her thirteen year old on a trip with a friend of hers. Her child was picked up on the trip and siezed without warrant in Nevada where they shipped her back to Louisiana and had her placed in foster care within one "business" day.
My girlfriend went through the motions with OCS, she took what classes they originally told her to take (the records of which mysteriously vanished), then they turned around and told her that she would have to take more classes, at her own expense in April of this year. They had been allowing her two visitations per month with her eldest daughter up until she gave birth to our daughter in July, then they cut it to one visit per month because she was in a "higher risk catagory". On top of that, I was placed under a microscope (my prints are now on file with the state). Her worker appears to be oblivious of the "Constitution Of The United States", as well as the "Bill Of Rights" as he kept insisting when I brought up the First, Fourth, and Fourteenth Ammendments to the "Constitution Of The United States" were subject to the individual states. He eventually started backing up physically towards our front door when he knew he was out-smarted by a disabled veteran.
CPS has even been attempting to play "heavy-handed tactics" with my girlfriend to get her to sign away her rights to her now fourteen year old daughter for about the last eight months. Her last court date for this looks to be in October of this year where there are indications that CPS is going to terminate her rights to her fourteen year old.
I did try to find the e-mail addresses that you asked for, but they were not listed on the agency's website. I will ask caseworkers and supervisors for their business e-mail addresses when I go in to 'sign the service agreement' on Tuesday. Thank you for your generous offer of help.
Peace,
Lyz
An email address to begin with is
hrhelp@dhr.state.md.us
Ask for the Director Brian Worton's email address so that you can correspond directly with him. Any help in this area at all would be most appreciated. Please help us bring Charlie back home to his loving family. Lyz does have lots of family support from all of us who love her and our family. Please help us. debicue@comcast.net
"...the DHR FACT PACK: An Integrated Approach for Influencing Social and Economic Policy in Maryland. Published annually and now fully web enabled, this document is an excellent source of information and provides a comprehensive snap shot of the State and its 24 jurisdictions. The FACT PACK is used by agency planners, advocates, grant writers, legislators, and other public and private organizations."
Do download the "complete" document, it makes for interesting reading. Be sure to look at the section on Social Services Administration and the adoption section. I find it rather curious that they find a need to track, "Percent of Children in Families which Received In-Home
Family Services who were Not Placed in Out-of-Home Care within One Year of Family Service Close." and
"Percent of Families who do not have an Indicated Abuse or Neglect Investigation within one year of receiving In-Home Family Services."
Yet, I don't see a section detailing the number of parents, who are falsely accused of abuse. The report also doesn't list the number of reports made by hospital staff, ER workers, teachers and school administrators.
We find lots of demographics but none of them show the ethnicity, income level or other breakdowns of the children being put up for adoption, placed in foster care or any other related data. It's important not to only look at the information provide, but notice what information is missing.
Maybe we should all contact Maria and ask where the rest of the data is and when we can expect to find it on their website.
According to the "DHR Fact Pack," you can Contact: Maria Tillman, Office of Planning, 410-767-8965, or email: mtillman2@dhr.state.md.us.
They want to hear from us, "Your feedback is important to us for determining future need, etc."
Remember to be polite but firm.
I also found, "No indicated reports of child abuse in 99% of agency approved foster/adopt
resource homes." Wow that should really make us feel better. NOT! That means they admit that 1% of the children were being abused in FOSTER CARE -- depending on how many children were removed from their homes, that number could be huge.
Do check out this telling document, especially if you live in Maryland.
Assistant Director for Family Services (Child Protective Services and Continuing Services) - Mark Vidor e-mail mvidor@dhr.state.md.us or call (410) 853-3951
Assistant Director for Children's Services (Adoption and Foster Care) - Judith Schagrin e-mail jschagri@dhr.state.md.us or call (410) 853-3961
Public Information Officer - Harriet Hertz e-mail hhertz@dhr.state.md.us or call (410) 853-3331
Community Liaison - Nick D'Alesandro e-mail nd'alesandro@dhr.state.md.us or call (410) 853-3927
Screening Unit call (410) 853-3000
Peace,
Lyz
I am writing as the biological grandmother of the above named individual. I live in Florida. She is in Baltimore with her three children, Stephen, Joey and Charlie. Charlie came home from an overnight visit to his dad's (also a loving parent), with a bump on his head. I do not see this as very unusual; he is 13 months old and starting to toddle.
Elizabeth became concerned the next morning because the bump was larger and soft. Against the advise of her physician, (and now I KNOW WHY), she lovingly took her son to the emergency room. It was found that Charlie had a fractured skull, although he showed absolutely no signs of any physical problems.
The doctor at the ER wanted to send Charlie home, but of course your agency "stepped in" and removed Charlie from his home, and loving family. Elizabeth has great family support, has never ever been involved in any way with your agency, and frankly this is the most unjust and unnecessary situation I have heard of from your agency in quite sometime, although I know it happens unjustly more than it does when actually warranted.
I trust that you want to keep our children safe, when it is necessary, but it is NOT NECESSARY IN THIS CASE. Charlie was removed two weeks ago, we have no word on his whereabouts, or any investigative procedures, and we are not hearing much. WE ARE CERTAINLY NOT HEARING what we want, and that is for my grandchild, and this parent's child to be returned home to the loving arms of his mother. PLEASE help us!
There is no neglect in this home, no abuse, only a loving and caring family who misses Charlie. His brothers, ages 6 and 7 have been severely traumatized by all of this, and naturally have no understanding, as it simply cannot be understood. I will continue to write to every person in your department, and even the governor as needed. Not only that, but I assure you I will take every legal action to protect my child and her family from your illegal and unwarranted actions.
The next step will be all news media within Maryland. This action must be stopped! She has an appointment tomorrow, and I expect her to see her child, and to bring him home. She is signing up for parenting classes at your request, although why in the devil she would need them is beyond me she is A GREAT PARENT.
I would appreciate any assistance and/or return email with a complete update on what is being done by your agency to return Charlie to his mother.
Sincerely,
D. Q.
I was "allowed" a visit with Charlie yesterday. Charlie's father was also present at this visit. We are not together anymore, but are still civil and keep things friendly, as we share a child and will for the rest of our child's life. We've also decided that no matter what happens during this, we're not going to waste time casting blame at each other, just going to present a united front to these people, show them that we are BOTH loving, caring parents and all we want is for our son to come home.
As the worker had previously told me that I wouldn't be allowed to nurse my son at these visits, I had printed out a copy of the breastfeeding laws for my state, which say that "a mother has the right to breastfeed her child in any public or private place in which the mother and child are entitled to be" and also state that "no person my limit or restrict the right of a mother to breastfeed her child". As soon as I sat down to nurse my son, the worker tried to stop me, telling me that I couldn't do that. My only response was to hand her a copy of the law and say, "No, I need you to read this right now." Every time she tried to speak, I repeated that phrase until she took the paper and read it. She took it and made a copy for their files.
While Charlie's father was holding him, my six year old (Joey) looked at me and said, "Mom, what happened to Charlie's thumb?" I looked at his thumb and there was a mark on the tip of his tumb that is an obvious burn mark. The social worker insists that it is a result of sucking his thumb, but my son has sucked his thumb since the day he was born, and never had any mark like that.
When I laid Charlie on the table to change his diaper, I took off his diaper because (as soon as he was brought to us) he smelled like poop. When I took off the diaper, the poop had obviously been there for a while (couldn't say how long, maybe only the drive from the foster home, maybe longer). His butt was red and raw from diaper rash, and when I wiped (very gently), the diaper rash bled. My child has never had a diaper rash a day in his life before this agency stepped into his life "to protect him". This diaper rash was an obvious result of him not being changed nearly often enough, regardless of the case worker's claim that it was the result of an allergy.
It was also obvious to both his father and myself that he had not been bathed that day or the day before. You know how, when a baby is clean, you can smell the clean? Well, my son was not clean and I could smell that.
The inside of his right ear was covered in dirt and scratches, and there was dirt caked in between his toes.
When I pointed these things out to the worker, she had plenty of excuses, including that this foster care worker "has been caring for babies for 20 years". I told her that my son looking this way is absolutely unacceptable, and she asked me what my solution to these problems were. I told her that this woman better change his diaper every 1 1/2 hours, whether she thinks he needs it or not, and that my child is to be bathed EVERY DAY. The only other "solution" I could come up with was for them to just send my baby home.
Also, regarding the service agreement that they asked me to sign. I made the decision that I would read the form in its entirety before deciding whether or not to sign anything. After reading it, I declined to sign it, siting that I need to have my attorney look it over before I can agree to sign. Paragraph 1B is what got to me, which states "REASONS THAT CONTINUED PLACEMENT IS NECESSARY: (INCLUDE CURRENT BARRIERS AND PROBLEMS TO OVERCOME) The continued placement is necessary to enable the parent (father and mother) complete their parenting class. The parenting education will create awareness for the parent to take appropriate care for the child." I couldn't sign that, as it seems that 1. They are trying to keep Charlie for a longer period of time, and 2 it sounds as though I am admitting that I don't know how to take care of my child. When in fact, I have been parenting successfully for almost 8 years now.
Unfortunately, I did not have a camera with me yesterday, but Charlie's father and I did voice our "concerns" (very loudly) to the worker. My neighbor is going to lend me her camera every time I am "allowed" a visit, from now until my son comes home.
I couldn't sleep last night, because I am so afraid for my youngest child. I still don't know where he is, but what I do know is that these people that he is with are not taking care of him.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing today (as I will be every day) to request that my son be sent home. For those of you who are not familiar with what has been done to my family, I will give you a short little background information.
My name is Elizabeth O'Brien. I have 3 sons, Stephen (7 1/2 years), Joey (6 years), and Charlie (13 months). I have never had any interaction with CPS until August 14, 2008.
My youngest son, Charlie, went on an overnight visit with his father on Sunday, August 10th. He came home on Monday, August 11th (1 1/2 hours late) with a small bump on his head. As he is learning to walk, and it did not look like an abnormal bump, I did not immediately seek medical attention. On Wednesday (August 13th) the bump became really swollen, and felt soft to the touch.
Against the advice of our pediatrician (and now I KNOW WHY), I took Charlie to the ER at John's Hopkins Bayview. They did a CT scan and full body XRays. I was told that he had a 'hairline skull fracture, but no other injuries'.
I spoke with the hospital social workers, the police were called, as well as Child Protective Services. The police were horrible to me, very accusatory, but have since decided that there was no criminal offense (meaning abuse) in this case and have closed their investigation.
The DSS worker (Jonisha Toomer) was very young, in fact this is the first time that she has ever removed a child from the home. My father and stepmother cared for Charlie for the first 4 days that he was away from me, but couldn't continue to provide care for him, due to the number of hours they both work every week.
A decision was made in court to hold 'the child' (why can't anyone use his name) for 30-days, so that DSS could complete an investigation. I provided contact information for the person that witnessed that my son CAME HOME with this injury, and no one has spoken with her yet. In fact, when she contacted Miss Toomer, Miss Toomer refused to speak with her.
I had my first visit with Charlie yesterday (even though the law says that I am supposed to be able to see him AT LEAST once a week and he had been in 'care' for 2 weeks at that point, this is week 3). When the social worker (Inyang Ukpong, 443-423-5676) brought Charlie into the room to visit with me (his brothers and his father were also present), we noticed a few things that are causing us to be really afraid for Charlie.
When I was holding my son in my arms, he was reaching for the worker, trying to get at her eye-glasses. She made a comment that I'm sure she thought was cute, or she was trying to be funny (or even scarier, she was serious), saying "This is my son." I had to actually argue with her about it. Charlie is not her son, he is my son and he is his father's son, and let there be no mistake about that. We will fight for our child, no matter the cost to ourselves.
1. There is a mark on his thumb that is an obvious burn mark. The worker is parroting the foster care people, and telling us that this was the result of thumb sucking. I know that is not, in fact, the case. My son has sucked his thumb since the day he was born, and has never had any marks like this.
2. His diaper was already full of poop when I took him out of the car seat that he was in. When I took the dirty diaper off, I saw immediately that he had a terrible diaper rash. It was angry, red, and raw. When I wiped him to take the poop off, the diaper rash bled. I have plenty of experience with babies, as Charlie is my third, and this diaper rash is no doubt a result of my baby sitting around in a dirty diaper. The worker's excuse is that my son was being fed something that he was allergic to. However, the only thing that my son is allergic to is lactose, which I told to the worker that picked him up from my parents, as well as to the supervisor on this case (Jeffery O'Donnel 443-423-5662). Lactose does not cause a diaper rash, and in any case, there is no reason that he should have been having anything with lactose in it, as people have been told that he is lactose intolerant.
3. My son was dirty. When a baby is clean (or a child, or an adult for that matter), you can smell the clean or the soap or whatever you would like to call it on their skin. When I smelled my child, he was NOT clean. My son has never gone 1 day without a bath while he was at home with me and his father. There were scratches and dirt caked on the inside of his right ear, and there was dirt caked in between his toes.
I am outraged at the kind of 'care' my son is receiving at the hands of your agency. There is no excuse for the neglect he has suffered at the hands of this 'foster care home'. He has been ripped from the loving arms of his mother (me) and his father, as well as his brothers, sister, and the rest of his family, in the name of 'protecting him' (although from what I still don't know). And now he is not being bathed on a regular basis, he is being allowed to sit in a dirty diaper, and he has a burn?! What is wrong with you people, that this is acceptable? When my child was at home, he was bathed EVERY DAY, as a child his age should be. I changed his diaper AS SOON AS it was dirty, as it should be changed. At home and at his father's home, he was never BURNED, let alone close enough to anything that was hot enough to burn him.
My son fell down (there is no doubt in anyone's mind that this was an accident), bumped his head, was traumatized at the hospital by the CT scans and XRays (which I understand were needed), and then KIDNAPPED FROM HIS FAMILY BY YOUR AGENCY!!!!!
Please contact me TODAY with an update on my son's condition, what is being done to investigate the place where he is staying, and when my son will be RETURNED HOME TO HIS FAMILY WHERE HE IS SAFE, WELL CARED FOR AND LOVED. I expect my child to be taken to HIS pediatrician TODAY, for the bleeding coming from this diaper rash, and care for the burn on this thumb. The worker assigned to his case, as well as her supervisor, both have contact information for my son's pediatrician.
Thank you,
Elizabeth O'Brien
Foster Mom
T
I have retained a private attorney. He called the worker that is supposed to be investigating the case, the one that refused to speak to the woman who witnessed my son came home with this injury. After the attorney called the worker, the worker called the witness. Since then, I have gotten records from my son's pediatrician, and now, suddenly, my case has been transferred to the "family preservation unit". They want to come out to the house and have a meeting with me on Monday afternoon, regarding what needs to be done to bring Charlie home. I told them please feel free. I then called my attorney and he will be present during that meeting.
I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks again, so much, for all of your kind words, and all of your support.
We just found out today that there is going to be another change in caseworkers for our kiddos. This will be the fourth caseworker in six weeks. I am also guessing it will be a stop gap person until the position is filled. So maybe we will have five caseworkers in the first ten to twelve weeks that we have the kids. Not only has there been great turnover in the caseworkers, we are the second foster family, they are on the second caseaide and there is now a new GAL - all in a total of two months since the kids were removed!
The good news is the mom is doing well staying clean so maybe the kids can go home as soon as she is stable and ready.
Foster Mom
I am a friend of your neighbors (we work together). And I just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you and your children since she told me about what was going on.
God Bless
Tara
It's Drew.
There are no words that I can write that would assuage the anguish of your current situation, and nothing I can do to rid you of the feeling of helplessness that someone in your position is suffering. These sentiments, however, are as nothing next to the appertaining rage I feel as someone who has known you for a very long time, and absolutely despises when the law is perverted for unjust and unjustified reasons in the interest of people who have no idea what "best interests" mean. I am mortified to my very core at the facts presented here in this disgraceful display of administrative transgressions and red tape.
If there is anything I can do to help, whether it is provide a character witness at a future date, write a letter of recommendation, or simply provide emotional support, you know I am there for you and your family.
There are precious few kind, caring, and genuinely good people left in this world. I hate to see something like this happen to one of them. My services, such as they are, are at your disposal.
You know how to contact me.
As for writer who described CPS like the SS in Nazi Germany...wow! That's a pretty powerful statement..esp. since in Nazi Germany families were swept into death camps wo/ any sort of hearing, legal representation, appeals - none of that. I'm sure you didn't mean to...but comparing the holocaust to CPS cheapens the lives of the six million who were murdered...
Speaking of attorneys, doesn't your child have one? Good luck to you!
Must we let it get that far? This writer obvious hasn't been paying attention. Thousands of children have already perished at the hands of the state, in so called "foster care."
Let's face it, you can't pay a seregate family to provide the kind of care a loving parent would give. Children of all ages in foster care are in danger. Children die each and every week in foster care and no one is doing anything about it.
If you believe parents are getting a "fair trial" or that attorney's are working in their "best interest," I've got a bridge to sell you...
Wake up America, we certainly don't want another holocaust but it appears that that might be what it will take before this horrible assault on the family is ended. How many more children must die? It took 6-million Jews dying in consentration camps before the world spoke up -- don't let it take that long before we stand up for the children and say enough!
I'm sorry for your personal tragedy. But according to your posts, there have been at least two hearings in a court of law in which the mother, father, and child had the opportunity for legal representation. The court presumably has no personal stake in the outcome. In this case, the decision was that the child would go home with his dad.
And btw, if you believe that there are no abusive or neglectful parents...there's a bridge for you too!!!
To all of those who have posted comments and support, I really appreciate it. Nothing is happening right now, we are set to go to trial in February. I will post more again after that hearing. Again, thank you all for your support. Drew, if you're seeing this, I only had your cell number and it's no .longer any good. Please contact me via MySpace. Hugs to you all.
Lyz
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